evolution..

"When the going gets tough, the tough drink water from the sink" said one of my friends.. Some tough on the other hand borrow money, or just hibernate. Darwin called it survival of the fittest; I call it handling the truth. we live in denial, and when reality forces itself upon us, we tend to look sideways, which is exactly when reality grows full size and looms upon us from all directions, but we tough people have devised a way out of that too- we shut our eyes, close our ears shut, hide our face in a pillow, leaving no gap open for reality to dodge its way into that most distrustful organ that works inspite of us. It time travels, a recent study showed, while we humans can venture into the future at a very comfortable 1 second/1second rate, our brains can defy all science, and sail past our entire life. Our lifespan has decreased, because we developed brains. A cockroach on the otherhand can surive through drought and distress with as much ease as it took for it to upturn itself having fallen off on its back in the big bang.

It doesn't take a dog generations to come a long way. It lives and then it dies, oblivious to the world which is all materialistic anyway. We, on the otherhand, bite more than we need to chew, trying to fit in the entire world history that has happenned until this second. Its come down to a viscious cycle, where we are trying to be conversant with everything our ancestors have done, and our grandchildren will do. We are lost in our own heads. It takes an ant's brain to see the irony of it all, and for ages ants have designed a way to safely ignore humans, and coexist. We were better off, adorning ourselves in fresh leaves everyday, forgetting and relearning everytime that fire is hot until our fingers were burnt and it became a forced habit.

when greys cease to exist..

hands outstretched, frantically searching for a crevice and feet groping for a hold on the slippery edge, she looked down, only to see that the cliff she was hanging her dear life onto was miles above the sea. she closed her eyes - the whole universe seemed deatheningly still; there was no sign of existence apart from the distant roaring waves and the cold wind - both, silent spectators to a death, a ghastly fall from there could do.

it was hard to shake away the tiredness that kept plunging her into a deep sleep while her energy was waning away in just trying to hang on. one final lunge, was all she could make. and that final attempt would decide her survival.. the possibilities were never more clear - she would either live or die; no twisted fate and no god could change it.

when each day meant a multitude of choices to choose from and choosing the easiest one always meant a compromise - a mindless jumble of infinite possibilities and unforeseen consequences, this day seemed to be fair in an unfair way.it was ironic but life suddenly took a binary turn and the million shades of grey ceased to exist.

serendipity..

i was flippin thru the pages of an old book, lookin for something i had jotted down 'bout an year back.. i found what i was looking for, but also stumbled across these lines i had written, aroun' the same time. i had long forgotten 'bout this verse, but as i read it, it all came back to me again - not very happy memories, yet precious n straight from the heart..

i dont know how long it would take,

to sink in the truth of yesterday;

i'd been living too much in tomorrow,

and today never seemed to stay..

In "bizarre" own world..!!

All my chances lay in catching the last train - Only to my terror, this train had an endless number of coaches, each with its own engine pumping hard and wild, all set to speed away into a different oblivion. I didnt know which coach I should get into and got to the check-in desk hoping to catch a glimpse of my name. The flickering screen at the counter kept flashing away jumbles of odd words - people called these names.. There was hardly any time left and the guard seemed to whistle a final whistle. Like athletes partcipating in a marathon, only the final gun shot from a referree seemed to hold these engines back from taking off on the race..

I gave up searching the list for the right compartment. I assumed I'd get on the right one. I sprinted off to the platform, and saw that almost all the compartments were full. I came to the first one. What I saw there stopped me - alcohol being served continuously and people dancing to the loud music.. I stopped myself to gawk at a couple clad in the best clothes, laughing away pretentiously at something not so funny.. I could not believe what I was seeing. But a young girl with huge bags dangling from her shoulders, who seemed to be in more hurry than I was, came running down the platform. I stepped out of her way, in the last moment, and avoided a hard fall..

I shook myself up, gave the people there a last sad glance, and moved on to the next compartment. The smell of coffee whiffed through the air, waiters serving groups of young girls and boys who seemed to be have been there for ages, talking and giggling and so at peace, their empty coffee cups being devoutly replaced with fresh ones, and some couples who were whispering sweet nothings to each other. I looked for an empty place, an empty seat in any group, there was none.. I tried to look for a person who might have been waiting there for me, sipping his coffee, there was no one.. I kept waiting there in the hope of someone leaving their seat. Again, the sound of someone scurrying past brought me back to my senses. I had no time to spare and had to rush..

The next compartment contained some nerdy lookin geeks, huge spectacles resting on their noses. Some burried into their books, others endlessly gazing into their laptops, and some others talking gobbledygook.. I walked past this one. The following ones had similar stories to tell. and I kept walking, always in search of the right coach. This was not how trains looked or were supposed to look, but I was not hallucinating. I did not know if there was a coming back once I'd boarded the wrong compartment, and so I walked on, for what seemed, forever..

I was tired from all the walking and searching and was worried i'd left the right coach behind. But, there was no time to go back and look. I came to the last coach, got on board, not sure again.. It was empty except for 2 more people - a girl and a guy, both as confused as me, they had got in only seconds before me. I caught the eye of the guy, he smiled uncertainly. As i sat there, I saw the red signal change green in the distance.. The engine chugged, the metal of the wheels clicked against the rails.. As the train started to go forward, we saw the engines of other coaches puff their way down diffrent tracks. Unlike its three passengers, our engine seemed to know its way. It took on full speed, zoomed past a slow coughing engine, whirled around a corner and shot off into some dark woods.. And this is where began the journey..!!

whew..!!

writer's block

[self-authored.. incomplete though!! title explains the rest]

surrocco fredregezki was standing in front of a tall, rectangular building.. tall, rectangular buildings are not miracles to humans on earth, who evolved enough to emulate matchboxes to construct places of dwelling (or viceversa..)

but, tall rectangular buildings are unusal objects in the land of vitro where flat, groundlike substance of infinte smoothness existed till infinity.this tall building (like few other buildings) served a purpose which not many vitrians knew of, and who considered it a waste of time, to think 'bout the building twice.. they thought about it once every week during the vitro weekly meetings, where tall buildings were always on the agenda, and the vitrians would very silently (vitrians didnt talk much anyway) divide into three groups when "tall buildings should be levelled" came up for voting and would cast a "yes", "no", "which tall buildings??" vote. The voting results would always remain the same.. a surprisingly equal number of votes in the 3 categories.. humans in these situations would do a quick math and reason out that because there are 3 groups and an equal number of votes have been cast by all the groups, and assuming all the vitrians have voted, the number of vitrians should be a multiple of 3.. or 3n.. where n is a positive integer.. (most humans have good math skills).. and.. because there was always a unanimous (uniform) dissension.. the tall buildings continued to exist..

surrocco continued to stare at the building. he didnt know why he was doing this, but he knew he had to do it and he did just that. he had been doing this for hours now. he tried to break free from this once, and tried to dwell upon his thoughts, there werent any.. there was no trace of a past.. all he remembered was a name "surrocco fredregezki" which he wasnt sure was his, but took it anyway, all the time wondering who would have such a long last name.. he liked the name though.. surrocco - surrogate (webster - someone who takes the place of another person) was he supposed to take someone else's place? (he had already taken someone else's name) or was he someone else?.. and why was he staring at the building?? there were too many questions all of a sudden and his mind began to race, he didnt like the feeling.. instead, he continued to stare at the building.. he knew the answer was lurking in the building he was staring at, and he continued to stare at it glassily..

yea, i know i'vent posted the story yet.. but, that doesnt mean i'vent got an an unfinished story to my credit!!

this is just the typical "me".. i'm emotionally and intellectually aroused and worked up, till i implement a very new idea(like an egg that hasnt even hatched completely and taken a form yet- "chicken, pigeon or a sparrow").. it becomes the focus of my being, and i give it constant and continued attention, like a potter who wouldnt take his(ok../her) hands off the wet clay till he (again.. she) can give it a shape thats been lingering on in his (!!!! her) mind..

and just when i know, i've come close to (.. half-way) what i've so badly and desperately wanted to do, i stop!! 'S' 'T' 'O' 'P' !!!! the drive that pushed me to a level, where i could forgo sleep for nights and talking to friends, without complaining once, is gone..

but, i think its because the thing that drove me to a point where i couldnt but start it isnt "the" thing.. because, my passion is elsewhere.. because i'm still dreaming about doing that thing(which i'm nowhere close to), my heart, soul and mind have always been dreaming about..